If only ending tantrums, whining, screaming, fighting, nagging, and other obnoxious behaviors were as easy as “1-2-3 Magic” wouldn’t life be easier? Breaking News: 1-2-3 isn’t only magic but it works!!
I can remember my parents counting 1-2-3. Most commonly we’d hear it when we didn’t respond immediately to their request, or if we were being obnoxious. If my mother or father got to three- you were defiantly sorry as it assured punishment and discipline immediately followed. The big, “1…. 2.. 3!!!” For this reason and from previous experience I have found that counting really does work.
First of all it gives them time to think and make their own decision on the matter- they have those few treasured seconds to wrap up whatever it is they are involved in before taking off and following direction. They also know if they wait too long that it means they face a negative consequence (time out, loss of toys, chores, etc.)
On my last visit to the bookstore I came across the book 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 (123 Magic) by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D. I’ve been encouraged to learn that the method I already use is encouraged by a man with a Ph. D. I’ve also gained new insight and ideas to make my counting even more effective.
The Basics:
-When counting- it’s crucial to avoid “too much talking and too much emotion”. Immediately when the child starts their obnoxious behavior they get, “That’s 1″ if they continue in about 5 seconds they get, “That’s 2″, and if they continue they get “That’s 3- take ____”. (The blank is a number of minutes equal to the child’s age or whatever you deem appropriate for them to go to their room or sit in time out.) There is no discussion, there is NO SECOND CHANCE- if they hit three- that’s it.
~This must be true for EVERYTIME you hit three- NO multiple warnings- no bargains and plea deals after this- 3=time out.
- Once time is served they are released without discussion- they know why they had to set out and no further discussion is necessary. (this is something I learned)
-There are time out alternatives for example: removing t.v. time, cutting time with friends short, early bed times, etc.
- It’s also very important that parents are on the same page- expectations of your children need to be discussed and agreed upon by both parents before ANY changes are made. If you don’t know what you want from your kids- how are they to know what and how to act for you?
-If the child refuses to go to time out- escort them silently. No words, no discussion, nothing negative- your only job is to help them find their time out chair or time out place.
- This method should not be deviated from no matter what the situation- new guests in the house, friends over, shopping at the grocery store, at the grandparents house, etc. It’s all about consistency.
-There are 6 basic tactics kids use to baffle their parents- I will share more on these later- stay tuned!
If you’d like more information on the book visit here:
1-2-3 Magic for Christian Parents: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12
1-2-3 Magic for Kids: Helping Your Children Understand the New Rules
Even though I’ve used a “counting system” in the past I’m excited about the new little tips and techniques I’ve learned in this book and will share these and their success in the future. It also includes a section on not only putting a stop to the frustrating and obnoxious behaviors of children but also includes tips and a new system to easily encourage them to do chores, homework, go to bed, get ready for school, brush teeth, etc.
Have you used this method? Did it work like magic for you? Leave your comments and stories below!!
If you haven’t tried- I strongly encourage you to check it out- I promise it’ll be worth your time!
Posted on August 26th, 2008 by Tessa
Filed under: Ages 1-3, Ages 13-15, Ages 3-5, Ages 6-8, Ages 9-12
[...] allow freedom than being committed to routines. They make few rules, and don’t enforce them consistently. They typically accept the child in a loving and warm way no matter what the behavior. If the parent [...]