Children’s Greatest Schemes

What your kids don’t want you to realize is that they are really, extraordinarily great at this feat. You will become much more frustrated and annoyed at them much faster than they will with you. Kids are smart (even before they know how to speak)- they know how to push their parents buttons in order to beat you in the end. They have more than one or two tactics to use- usually using more than one at a time or even switching between in order to gain their desired result in the end- an ultimate WIN for them.

-These are the basic types of testing and manipulation children will use to get everything they want.
Badgering, Threats, Temper/Anger Outrage, Martyrdom, Sweet Talking, Physical Aggression. (see detailed explanations below)

As a parent your job is to be caring, nurturing, loving, supportive and encouraging but you must realize it’s ok to frustrate your children on a regular basis.
Frustrating your kids will result in one of two things: they will:
A) Realize it’s not the end of the world and cooperate willingly. Or
B) Engage in tactics such as testing and manipulation to get what they want.
-children are very wise- they use their tactics as a disguise while returning the frustration to the parent, distracting them and getting them emotionally involved and usually confused- the end result is that they WIN!!

There are several basic times when a child will engage their tactics to win:
1. When they are told no, frustrated, and realize you’re not going to give in.
2.There are 6 basic tactics they will use to manipulate and test you.

1. The most common form: Badgering
-“Mom, mom, mom, MOMMY!!!…” “Why not??”, “Please, just this once, I Promise I won’t do it again”, “Please, Please Please…”, “ Why? Because Why? Because Why??”
Sound Familiar? Badgering is a great way for kids to win because it becomes extremely annoying very quickly and as the parent you just don’t understand why they won’t just listen.
Hint:(They don’t listen because this has worked before- they have had success and know the more they pester you the closer they are to having their way).

2. Threats basically- something bad is going to happen unless I get my way.
-“I’ll run away and you’ll never see me again”
-“I don’t love you- I hate you”
-“I’m never speaking to you again!”
Remember: The child won’t follow through on these threats- because they are just that- Threats- not promises. They don’t realize what they are saying- their only focus is to scare you and achieve success in the end.

3. Temper/Anger Outrage- also seen as- Tantrums!!
-When the child isn’t able to verbally communicate (and even if they are) they will express themselves by screaming, throwing themselves on the ground, banging their heads on the ground, against the wall and kick and scream.
-Older children may spout illogical, accusing, arguments and accusations of you being a bad parent- and how they never get what they want and you never give them anything.
-Tantrums are many times prolonged because: 1) the child has an audience, 2) The parent continues to discuss, plead, talk, interact and give attention to the youngster, and 3) if the adults don’t know what to do to stop it.

4. Martyrdom : when children act as if they have been treated unfairly and will commonly pit one against another- “you like her more than me”, “I’m always left out”. Younger children (2-3 years) may do things like hold their breath, claim they can’t breathe, they are hurt, act as if they are anguishing in pain, etc.

The child is fine- they only want to make you feel bad, uncomfortable, like you’re an unfair and unjust parent in order to achieve their desired outcome.

5. Sweet Talking: in this scenario the child tries to make you feel as good as possible. Having a rough day? Be on the look out for your son/daughter to use this to their advantage.
-It is very common for the child to make promises to the parent to do their homework, feed the pet, eat their dinner, etc. They are setting you up- making you feel proud of them so that an hour later when you need to say “no” or their behavior needs to be disciplined- you’ll feel bad and less likely to enforce your words for their actions.
-Kids will also use apologies- specially if it’s so they get out of time-out, or in their minds it will lessen their punishment. It’s good to teach children to apologize, but it needs to be made clear what a sincere apology is and not just saying the words, “I’m sorry”.

And finally:

6. Physical Aggression: biting, hitting, slapping, scratching, kicking, and screaming are some examples. Other children may act out aggressively at the bedroom door, destroy the room, break things, etc. If children get upset when sending them to timeout and they believe it’s ok to break things or be physically violent against you or anyone else it’s important the message is very clear that it’s not to happen again. This may mean more time is added to their time out, a favorite toy is taken away, they loose t.v. time, movie time, games, etc. Something drastic happens to make the point clear this is unacceptable behavior.
-If it continues it can bring serious harm to the child and their belongings as well as your own. Children can become very destructive very quickly.

What is your child’s favorite tactic? What has been your best method to work against it? Was it successful or are they more successful? What do you find most frustrating about obnoxious behaviors?

Please leave your comments!

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