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Parenting Style Take 3
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The style of parenting in which everyone wins gets the spotlight today. It's firm and respectful, effectively stops misbehavior and teaches responsibility. It's the clearest way in which children at a very early age learn life lessons and grow up being responsible, sharp, problem solving, and respectful adults.

The best part of this style is that it works for all types of personalities and learners. It's for the stubborn, strong willed, easy learners and even those who are laid back. Using this method- successfully will mean power struggles are no longer provoked, feelings go uninjured, relationships are no longer damaged, the child's spirits are unharmed, and they will feel more secure, and loved.  Therefore they will be more emotionally stable, healthy and happy all around.

These Parents:

  • use "matter of fact" and firm voices are used when needed
  • believe their children are capable of solving problems on their own
  • use encouragement when trying to motivate cooperation
  • believe children should be given choices- but need to learn to stick with the choice they made as well
  • teach mutual respect expect the same
  • enjoy less testing by their children
  • relax as the majority of problems are solved by the child/children
  • children take their parents words seriously.

The children will learn this:

  • Responsibility
  • Cooperation
  • Independence
  • Respect for rules and authority
  • Self-control
  • Limits are set and don't move
  • Obedience
  • Best of all- Know that "NO" means "NO"

This style of parenting is Authoritative or Democratic.

These parents lay out clear expectations and limits/boundaries for their children. They monitor behavior of their children and are consistent in following through on holding up the rules and expectations they have for their children. These parents try to catch the good behavior and reward it with encouraging phrases and "good jobs" rather than focusing on the bad.
These children are expected to be socially responsible, behave maturely, use manners, mind their parents, and respect their elders. Best of all- these aren't only expectations but it's the true result of children raised with parents using this style of instruction and teaching.

This type of household will most likely- if the parenting is firm and consistent- have the fewest number of tantrums, have the most respect and make the most of their family time because there is peace and known authority in the household- making things run smoothly and in order.


NannyU Tips:

  • Make sure to follow through with consistent punishment/discipline when necessary.
  • Encourage good behaviors, use "rewarding phrases" but don't go overboard and make too big of deal of such actions and thoughts.
  • Watch for children to change their manipulating tactics- be on your guard to ensure you're consistence in expectations and limits.
  • Remember ignoring misbehavior sends the message to the child that you're saying, "it's okay to do that..."
  • Remember participating in arguments and "sparring matches" with your child is really sending to them the message that, "my limits really aren't so firm and are up for debate"
  • Firm limits send the most clear message to children that you're serious and must be taken that way!
 
Parenting Style Take 2
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Today we will discuss another type of parenting style- are you ready?

Here's a description of today's style- see if any of these attributes sound familiar to you...

This type of parent is less demanding and more responsive, non-traditional and more lenient, they avoid confrontation at all costs, and don't require mature behavior from their kids. Discipline and limits are missing in this household.They typically allow freedom than being committed to routines. They make few rules, and rarely enforce them consistently. They typically accept the child in a loving and warm way no matter what the behavior. If the parent needs the child to follow a rule or has an expectation to be met, bribery, gifts, food and other motivators are commonly used to get the child to cooperate. 

Here's a summary:

  • Affectionate
  • Anxious to please, ends every sentence by asking, "OK?"
  • Can't say no and stick to it
  • Easily manipulated
  • Acts as a peer or friend rather than a parent
  • Easily manipulated and taken advantage of

His or her child is likely to be:

  • Demanding and whiny
  • Easily frustrated
  • Uncooperative
  • Rude
  • Self-centered
  • Believe parents serve children
  • Dependent, disrespectful
  • Lacking kindness and empathy
  • A poor to average student
  • A follower

This is called the Permissive Approach, "The Children are Taking Over" to Parenting- it is respectful but not firm.

"Freedom without limits is not democracy. It's anarchy, and children raised with anarchy don't learn respect for rules or authority or how to handle their freedom responsibly. Kids don't cooperate, even if they understand that it's the right thing to do. They are kids- and if it's not to their interest and benefit it's only natural for them to not comply to the request and cooperate no matter what the situation or conditions involved." - Setting Limits With Your Strong Willed Child

A household with the permissive parent could be described as being a frenzy. When having to prepare for big events the parent/parents may become frantic because they can't get any cooperation from their children.

The main reasons this type of parenting doesn't work effectively are because children need require boundaries, limits and consistent discipline when needed. Consistency is the real key- I can't make this clear enough- it's more confusing, challenging and makes for a harder battle if rules/boundaries aren't in place and enforcing them isn't consistent. Giving in, even just once here and there, will send a message to the child that they have won and they will only challenge and fight harder the next time around to try and get you to fall or give in again.

A daily confrontation may include the following:

Requests, appeals, lectures, frustration, guilt, giving in, drama, threats, bargains and the parent usually  gives up because they can't get cooperation or the desired outcome/cooperation.

The permissive parent is common, but they set themselves up for heartache, stress, frustration and will be worn and tired at the end of every day. This is mainly because they are not consistent, their children nearly never cooperate, and they spend hours of their day trying to explain and reason with their children and gain nothing in the end. Many times by the end of the day- these parents just give up- and they can't get things completed that they need to on a daily basis.


NannyU Tips

  • Be consistent
  • If you set boundaries and limits- be ready to defend them and be Firm- initially it'll be a giant struggle but will pay off in the end. (I promise!)
  • Children will feel love and security if they have limitations to their actions and have expectations- that way they can make you proud!
  • Depending on the child's age- try setting new limits- start with a few at a time to both teach your child the rules of the house have changed- and also to help you learn to be firm and consistent.
 
What Type of Parent are YOU?
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"Military Style Parenting"

 I've recently found it interesting learning about the different styles of parenting. Evaluating what works and what doesn't, and then identifying the styles of parents around me.  The research has been done, so the examples and descriptions of each type are almost always right on.

I'm going to share my new knowledge and make one post to describe each type of parenting, the pros and cons, what I feel works better and why, etc. I encourage you to examine and evaluate your parenting style- let me know what type you think you are, if this works for you- why or why not. We can all learn from each other!

What style do these characteristics remind you of?

  • Emotionally aloof
  • Bossy: Likely to say, "Because I said so"
  • Uses physical punishment or verbal insults
  • Dismiss a child's feelings

His or her child is likely to be:

  • Moody and anxious
  • An average to good student
  • A follower
  • lower self esteem and higher rates of depression
  • angry, stubborn, rebellious, fearful and submissive

The Answer:

This type of parenting is referred to as The Authoritarian approach, also known as "Autocratic or Punitive Approach", (Firm but Not Respectful).

Facts:
This is one of the most widely used approaches in parenting today mostly because it was the choice parenting style when today's parents were children. This parent is obedience oriented and expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation. This household will most likely have structure and be very orderly. The children will know what is expected of them and have clear boundaries. Some children will operate well and be happy in this environment while others will continually test, try and challenge the rules and boundaries.

These parents may believe "if it doesn't hurt then the child won't learn". Their job as a parent is to be in control of their child, and to solve their problems for them. These parents will never admit to the child their mistakes and wrongs when they occur, fearing that would damage the way their are viewed and seen by their child.
From this the children learn that their parents will rescue them, they don't have to solve their own quarrels and make up for their mistakes and feel as though they don't have a voice and know not to question the authority of their parent.

When trying to solve a quarrel it most likely would involve an investigation to the problem, accusations, belittling, threats, yelling, screaming, challenges, threats, physical punishment, and more threats and consequences. It's safe to say that 98% of the time the reason a quarrel started or the problem existed goes undiscovered and after a large dramatic and loud scene of arguments and threats all parties involved leave angry, hurt, and there is no resolution.

This parenting style causes the most conflict for children with individual and strong willed. Children who are more submissive and don't question authority will work better under this style of parenting.

Many fights, tension and anger may be seen when the child is older and becomes curious. Once their verbal and comprehension skills develop they will begin to question everything.  Depending on their age they may wonder why he/she needs to do clean their room, why they can't see their friends tonight, or why the curfew needs to be 10pm and not 12pm, etc.

The benefits are the children learn to respect boundaries, rules and authority. They feel secure in knowing their parents care about them, but may become frustrated when they believe they need more freedom. The parents are involved in the life of their child/children creating stability for them in an unstable world.

  • Just to be clear- boundaries are absolutely necessary for ALL children. It provides comfort, stability, and security for them. Guidelines are great, involved parenting is ideal and there are moments when children need to listen without questioning. This type of parenting highlights the extreme case of the "all about rules and control" parent- not being a very balance style of parenting. It's cut and dry and will conflict with many more children than it will work smoothly for.

NannyU Tips:

  • Discover what parenting style you favor or practice daily
  • What type of personalities your child/children have
  • Is this working for or against them?
  • Are you willing to make small changes to benefit your child/children?
  • Don't be afraid of change. Sometimes it's necessary, it doesn't mean you've failed.
 
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