Is it possible to take a child that's obnoxious, doesn't listen, screams, has frequent tantrums, lies, bites, etc. and in a matter of weeks eliminating tantrums, screaming, and initiate obedience, respect, love, and manners? There are a few basic "principles" that when in place, children have a very positive response to.

They are:

1. Boundaries
2. Respect
3. Discipline.

   1. Boundaries:
      Children yearn and require firm, clearly defined boundaries and limits. This includes making sure the child/children know exactly what is expected of them in all circumstances. This doesn't translate into "rules and regulations" but rather guidelines that are respected and enforced.
      You should expect your child to respond when saying his name the First time. As I teach kids, this doesn't mean they have to come running to me when I call their name. I ask that they acknowledge that something is needed of them. Then when they hear what this is they need to follow directions- the first time - respectfully - without whining, crying, or throwing back unreasonable questions.
   2. Respect:
      Parents, while you're child is young they must learn to respect you. This doesn't mean that you'll never have fun with your little one again, but you’ll have even more time for fun because less time is spent doing everything on their time. Respect simply means they know when you're serious, they know to listen, and they learn to respect you so that they will know to respect others.
      It's more of establishing "authority" in the house. The parents are smarter and wiser and have the best interest of the children in mind. Therefore, they must be listened to, minded, not always liked, but regarded with respect.
   3. Discipline:
      In order for the child to feel most loved and secure they need boundaries. They will test these limits - especially if this is something new - they will test harder. It's crucial that you remain firm and unmoving - like a rock. When these lines are crossed - again - the First time - there will be consequences.
      Discipline must be present in a household that expects their children to behave, have manners, and respect their elders and parents.
      Children feel most secure when there are boundaries and there is a consequence when breaking them because to them it shows you care, and that you love them and are concerned with what they do with their actions and words.

If children understand their expectations, that you expect them to act reasonably for their age then you will be surprised what a little encouragement and discipline can do for them.

    * A family suffering from dealing with their 5 yr. old throwing tantrums has never clearly established that these are unacceptable and followed through with effective and immediate consequences/discipline.

    * A family that finds it painful to manage their children when eating out hasn't established that their "best behavior" is needed, and most likely they allow their children to eat without manners and have made the dinner table at home another play pen as well.

    * Kids, specifically toddlers and those in elementary school don't distinguish "family dinner at home" from "special dinner at the restaurant". They only understand that the family is eating together and whatever behavior is most fun and accepted – that is what they will use.

    * A parent who can't understand why they must continually hound and plead with their children to come when called, or to do a chore fail to realize that they haven't made it clear to the child that these are things they (as parents) expect their child to do. AND if the child fails to meet this expectation then there are consequences to be faced.

If one of these families establishes clear, firm and defined boundaries and when these are crossed or broken there is an effective method of discipline that follows then the children's behavior will drastically improve. They will see improvements in a matter of days!

If you already have these things in place, but still face problems, or if you try it but you see no improvements and life gets worse (things will be worse before they get better), then chances are you either:

   1. You have boundaries, but lack consistency in being firm, and still give in to crying, tears, whining, badgering, etc. often, or even once in awhile.
   2. You have ineffective or "broken" discipline methods.
      If you put your child in time out- there are a small number of things that MUST happen in order for it to be effective. (please refer to the entry about Making Time Out Effective.)

Tessa's Tips:

    * Make sure you're consistent in whatever you do. Discipline, enforcing limits, and "putting your foot down". If you're not consistent you'll only set yourself up for continual heartache, tears, and misery.
    * Make your expectations clear to your children.
    * Keep these expectations consistent - expect the same behavior and manners at home as you do in public. It not only simplifies your life, but the kids will appreciate it as well.
    * Remember - firmness provides security to the child. They won't hate you, (even though hateful things may be said when they are upset). You'll find as soon as you let them calm down on their own, they'll be running to you for hugs.
    * The beginning will be tough- but stay firm and hold on - it will pay off!